Funny Inspirational Quotes

Funny Inspirational Quotes“A fool flatters himself, a wise man flatters the fool.” ~Edward G. Bulwer-Lytton


“God never slams a door in your face without opening a box of Girl Scout cookies.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert


“I’m going to speak my mind because I have nothing to lose.” ~S.I. Hayakawa


“I will tell you the truth as soon as I figure it out.” ~Wayne Birmingham


“If you don’t like the road you’re walking, start paving another one.” ~Dolly Parton


“In three words I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life. It goes on.” ~Robert Frost


“There’s a little truth in all jive, and a little jive in all truth.” ~Leonard Barnes


“Only one thing is certain — that is, nothing is certain. If this statement is true, it is also false.” ~Ancient Paradox


“That which we obtain too easily, we esteem too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper price on its goods.” ~Thomas Paine


“Life itself still remains a very effective therapist.” ~Karen Horney


“Lead me not into temptation; I can find the way myself.” ~Rita Mae Brown


“May you never forget what is worth remembering, nor ever remember what is best forgotten.” ~Irish Blessing


“Remember, if you ever need a helping hand, it’s at the end of your arm. As you get older, remember you have another hand. The first is to help yourself, the second is to help others.” ~Audrey Hepburn


“There can’t be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.” ~Henry Kissinger


“The lunatic fringe wags the underdog.” ~H. L. Mencken


“Stop worrying – nobody gets out of this world alive.” ~Clive James


“Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something.” ~Plato


“Memorize and follow this never-fail recipe: get started. Don’t quit.” ~Barbara Winte


“The moment somebody says to me, “This is very risky,” is the moment it becomes attractive to me.” ~Kate Capshaw


“A skeptic is a person who, when he sees the handwriting on the wall, claims it is a forgery.” ~Morris Bender


“Be careful what you pretend to be because you are what you pretend to be.” ~Kurt Vonnegut


“Those are my principles. If you don’t like them I have others.” ~Groucho Marx


“I’m not confused, I’m just well mixed.” ~Robert Frost


“If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself.” ~Mickey Mantle


“You never came out the way you came in.” ~Francis Spufford


“My life has a superb cast but I can’t figure out the plot.” ~Ashleigh Brilliant


“The dumbest people I know are those who know it all.” ~Malcolm Forbes


“Know the rules well, so you can break them effectively.” ~Dalai Lama


“Talent without discipline is like an octopus on roller skates. There’s plenty of movement, but you never know if it’s going to be forward, backwards, or sideways” ~H. Jackson Brown, Jr.


“Thankfully, perseverance is a good substitute for talent” ~Steve Martin


“It’s a little like wrestling a gorilla. You don’t quit when you’re tired. You quit when the gorilla is tired” ~Robert Strauss


“Even the woodpecker owes his success to the fact that he uses his head and keeps pecking away until he finishes the job” ~Coleman Cox


“If you tell the truth you don’t have to remember anything” ~Mark Twain


“Even if you’re on the right track you’ll get run over if you just sit there” ~Will Rogers


“Their comes a moment when you have to stop revving up the car and shove it into gear” ~David Mahoney


“Slaying sacred cows makes great steaks” ~Dick Nicolose


“A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort” ~Herm Albright


“I’ll go anywhere as long as it’s forward” ~David Livingstone


“Neither a wise man nor a brave man lies down on the tracks of history to wait for the train of the future to run over him” ~Eisenhower


“The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none” ~Thomas Carlyle


“Knowing what you can not do is more important than knowing what you can do. In fact, that’s good taste” ~Lucille Ball


“When all think alike, then no one is thinking” ~Walter Lippman